WittyLeaks – November 7, 2016

WittyLeaks – NOVEMBER 7, 2016

One more day!   One more day of this terrible ordeal called the presidential election.  But I have a feeling that if you think this campaign is bad, just wait for the results and the ensuing fallout.   This election would all be very exciting and fascinating if it weren’t reality.

I was doing a bit of driving this weekend listening to the radio.   Lots of local campaign commercials and ALL of them were in the negative.   Everything was about how bad the opponent was and nothing about the positives of the other.   I usually mentally tune out the commercials, especially when it comes to political campaigns, but once I became aware of the blatant negativity I couldn’t turn it off.   Negativity sells.  It’s very effective.   I know it’s late, but listen closer to the next campaign commercial you see or hear.  And then count the number of times the opponent’s name is mentioned compared to the person paying for the commercial.

I’ll be voting early Tuesday morning.   I’m not excited for either candidate.   What I’m most excited for is the bake sale held at the Volunteer Firehouse where I vote.  You can get a lotta cupcakes for cheap.

Did you see Anthony Weiner on horseback?  It’s part of his sexual addiction therapy.   Apparently he misheard when he was asked if he wanted to join a posse.

Josh Norman, defensive back for the Washington Redskins, was fined $25,000 for being overly critical of an NFL official.   The ‘Skins were off this week, so Norman was hired by FOX for commentary on their pregame shows.   I wonder if he was paid $25,000 for his appearance.

Quick story about changing the clocks.   It was my brother-in-law’s bachelor party.  I was in charge of driving him to and back from Long Island.   And I was sick as a dog.  Feverish, flu-ish.    I white-knuckled it through the night, going to nightclubs and discos and dancehalls like the kids from Queens do in their polyester.    Barely able to talk, barely able to swallow, I kept an eye on the clock as it ever-so-slowly moved tick tick tick.    Naturally we had to stay out till the bars closed at 4:00 A.M.    When 2:00 rolled around I sensed I was going to make it.   The end was near.   And then the DJ rang a bell and exclaimed, “OK, everybody!  Turn your watches back one hour!  We have an extra hour to paaaarrrrrrty!”

And my marathon story.  HA!  Do you really think I have a story about running the marathon?    I was a member of the NYPD working the marathon.  I was on 1st Avenue in Manhattan, mid-block, 17 miles into the race.   This is a very populous area and the streets were crowded with people to cheer on the runners.   This was 2 hours into the race and 1st Avenue was teeming with a sea of runners of all shapes and sizes and ability.   A woman from the sidewalk mentioned that she had to get across the street to take her dog to the vet.   I smiled and said she couldn’t get across.   I told her she would have to go 20 blocks south to 58th street to get to the other side of 1st Avenue.   She said that wasn’t possible.  She had to cross HERE at 80th Street.   I told her again that she couldn’t, pointing out the obvious of how I couldn’t stop the tsunami of 26-milers.  This being New York, she wouldn’t have it.   She wouldn’t listen.  I sensed what was about to happen so I told her I had to go up the block to talk to my sergeant for a minute and reminded her that she cannot cross the street.   There were just too many runners.  I slowly walked up the block with a slight smile on my face.   Other race-watchers knew what I knew.   They knew she was going to try to cross and I didn’t want to be there when she did.   I found the sergeant up the block and had him sign my memo book for my hourly check-in.    I slowly made it back to my post.  And there was the woman about 10 feet into the street with her dog getting spun around and jostled and pushed and shoved and ran over by the thousands of runners.    I got back in time to help her back under the barrier, unsuccessful in her mission to cross.   I told her again that she couldn’t cross here.  She replied with a slew of expletives.   I couldn’t blame her for.   I yelled out, “Down to 58th Street!  You can cross there!”

I had a good laugh, as did the many around me.     And I couldn’t blame her for being mad.  The east side of Manhattan on 1st Avenue, from 59th Street north to 125th, was uncrossable.    She had to take a 40-block detour simply to cross the street

Who will I vote for?

  1. I usually find someone voting the opposite of how I’m going to vote and convince him we should both stay home.
  2. Or I’ll find someone who is totally obnoxiously annoying in their support of a candidate. I will then meekly mention that I’m going to vote the opposite just to cancel out his vote.  The reaction is always a lot of fun.
You can vote this way in New York since your vote doesn’t really count.
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