WAHOOTWO – AUGUST 14, 2015
JOBLESS CRISIS – American Held Hostage: Day 82
I went to the dentist today. I must be getting old. The dental assistant sits me in the chair and puts on my bib, talking to me in that little sing-song voice one would use with a toddler or a doddering senior.
“Okay, sit right here . . . careful . . . . very good . . . there you go . . .. and how are you today?”
And when it was over, I didn’t even get a toy!
I like inappropriate. I find it funny. And if it’s inappropriate, by the time it gets too inappropriate even for me someone else has already complained. I was watching the Yankee/Indian game Thursday night. Uhhh, Chief Wahoo? I love it, I love the Chief Wahoo, but it’s really not right. One second I’m hoping the Cleveland Indians never get rid of it, the next I can’t believe it’s still around. I’m guessing the Chief Wahoo logo will eventually be done away, and for that reason I’m going to buy up some Chief Wahoo merchandise. I’ll put it with my ashtray collection.
Yankee game – Yankee pitcher Nathan Eovaldi had a record of 11-2 going into Thursday’s game against the Indians. Great record, but his ERA was over 4.00. The announcer says that Eovaldi has been pitching well of late, not letting up more than 3 runs in his last 10 starts. I’m impressed . . . until I realize he doesn’t let up more than 3 runs because he’s out of the game by the 6th inning. That’s why his ERA is over 4.00.
If I ruled the world . . .
I would have a guy announce the game and alongside him would be an analyst. BUT . . . the analyst wouldn’t analyze the game, he would analyze what the announcer says, so when the announcer says the pitcher hasn’t allowed more than 3 runs in 10 games, the analyst could point out the poppycockery.
I have a theory as to why there is a plethora of arm injuries for pitchers, but it’s too wacky right now to share. I’ll be testing it out at some pubs to see how it goes over.
Instead of the news telling us all about how big the crowds are to hear Bernie Sanders speak, why not tell us what he is speaking? Why the big crowds? What’s the appeal? What are the rest of us missing? C’mon, news media, do some news stuff.
I went to Costco this morning to pick up some stuff for a week away. First thing I do is head to the back for some free food samples. Man, do I wish I had a Costco near me when I went to college. Can you imagine the lines for the samples? So I’m in the back and I check out the beer prices, hoping to find some Schlitz. But what I found was better than Schlitz! Kirkland Light! Yeah! Costco makes their own brand of beer, Kirkland Light!! I got a 48-pack for $20. At a bar I could get 5 beers for $20, but with Kirkland I have another 43 for my twenty! I like beer, but I’ve always favored quantity over quality. The good thing about that is my neighbors know this. Whenever I invite them over to watch a game in the basement on the big screen, they know I’ll have some beer but they bring their own anyway. They know what I stock. And when they leave, they leave their good stuff.
As I was leaving Costco with my Kirkland Light, a guy stops me, points to my Kirkland Light, and shouts, “NO! You didn’t buy that, did you?!” Obviously I did, and I asked him what was the problem. He says the Kirkland isn’t bad at the beginning but the more you drink the worse it gets. I found this odd since it usually works the other way. I asked what his friends thought when they saw him with the Kirkland Light. He said, “They thought I was an ass!” A big smile came to my face. “That’s what I’m shooting for!” I exclaimed.
Following a joke, I find no better compliment than, “You’re such an ass!”
Long live Elvis.