WAHOOTWO – AUGUST 4, 2015
My Jobless Crisis – American Held Hostage: Day 72
It was a frightening thrill to appear LIVE on stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater and I was always more than a bit surprised when asked to perform. I mean, c’mon . . . I know me and I know I’m no actor. I could never understand how they couldn’t see that but the pay was good so I didn’t object too much. At first I was petrified, a real hummina hummina hummina Ralph Kramden. And then after a while I started to get comfortable. Yeah, I started to feel as if I had this acting thing down. I was feeling as if I could do this. And with that comfort came lackadaisical preparation. When first asked, I would study my lines every second of the day whenever a free second presented itself. I could not prepare enough. And then . . . yeah . . . . I felt my preparation became less necessary, or at least not as urgent. I was enjoying unwarranted confidence. And then one night when the light came on and the point from the stage manager, I froze. I stammered, I flustered, I was struck dumb, and I cold-sweated through it. It was awful. I was ill-prepared. Thankfully, the piece was cut from the show due to time. I was never so shamed and so relieved. And for the next 15 years I prepared as if it was my first time. If I did screw up, at least I would know it was not from lack of preparation, but simply due to my inept lack of talent. On stage LIVE with Dave was always a big big thrill. But now . . . now the biggest thrill I get is when I’m asked to fold the laundry in the dryer and discover it’s all towels. That’s what gets me excited these days.
Job search: I got a recent “You might be interested!’ alert on an internet job search site. It called for a screenwriter fluent in Chinese. Unfortunately, I am not fluent in Chinese. In fact, I have a pretty hard time with English. And I’m not a screenwriter.
And then I got another “You Might Be Interested” alert. I felt this job was worth a resume-send, though I sent it without enthusiasm. Sending out resumes on the computer feels like fishing in a lake that you know has no fish. But you continue to cast your line anyway. There were other jobs on the alert list, jobs the computer thought I might be interested in. The third one down was for a puppeteer. The job was for someone who could work puppets. How pathetic. And how pathetic that I stopped and looked. I actually thought about it for a second, but then pictured myself in a couple weeks making small talk with parents at Villanova when I drop off my daughter.
I’ll just tell them I’m retired, pretending I made a killing during the dot-com boom.
Congratulations to Graham Rahal, Dave Letterman, and the team of Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing in this weekend’s victory in the Honda Indy 200 at the Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course. This puts the team in second place in the Verizon IndyCar Series Championship, 9 point behind Juan Pablo Montoya..
Next Race: August 23 at the Poconos Raceway.
Season Finale: August 30 – Grand Prix of Sonoma.
Dang it. Another free Steak n’ Shake milkshake I’ve missed out on.
Imagine the hysteria if the Legionnaires outbreak was happening in Manhattan and not the Bronx.
“Will work for money.”